Love me for a Reason (1)

(Originally written on 2 June 2006)

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Why do you look so worried venkat?

It’s just been few weeks since I joined in this office mom, but still I couldn’t understand the work properly, my superiors keep on saying do this, do that… couldn’t understand anything at all… I’m completely lost…

New work, new place, it will always be like that only, why can’t you ask your colleagues to help you out… let me tell you one thing; you have to change a bit venkat, you cant expect people to come to you & help you out, only if you ask, you will get help, otherwise no.

I’m also thinking the same…tomorrow I would definitely go and seek somebody's help, no other way.

Ok, go and sleep, I’ve to prepare coffee for vasantha, she has an exam tomorrow, poor girl studying since morning…

everybody are worried about their own problem..Sigh… whom to ask for help tomorrow? People working with me are all hi-fi’s… will they help me if I ask for their help? Won’t they be making fun of me? Oh god, I’ll feel embarrassed if they make fun of me. Already one of the person is calling me by a nick name ‘curd rice’, if I go and ask him, then I’m finished..he will show off in front of others and start lecturing me like anything… ah…what to do? Oh god… I was happy getting this job, I didn’t know I would be facing such a crisis soon…k...Let’s see tomorrow what happens.

Office

Venkat, ask brindha to come and meet me…

Ye...Yes sir… I will do that sir...

Ah…that’s right… Brindha is the right person to help me… all others are waste… brindha is senior to me, she knows everything…she can clear my doubts… so far she is the one who impressed me a lot in this office… very simple girl… I also heard she got married recently… her saree selection and her bindi on her forehead… oh god…such a impressive look… I’m sure she won’t mind helping me out...but if I go and ask her for help, what will the other guys think of me...Won’t they feel I’m trying to act smart and impress girls? Oh god… where in the world I got such a good colleagues… but no other go… she is the right person for me...

Ahlo, eskuse me madam…

Yes, Mr…hmm... What’s your name?

Venkat madam, I’m a new joinee...

Oh I see, well, what do you want from me?

Madam, I have few doubts, can you please clear me?

On what?

In my work the…

Ah Mr hmm… Venkat, I’m very sorry, you better ask your Trainer.

Shit yaar… I deserve this response… leaving all my colleagues, I shouldn’t have come to her for help… why did I select her to help me? Looks were deceptive… she doesn’t have any manners at all…. Cha…now I feel very bad…

Ok thanks madam..

...anyhow today is Friday. No work on Saturday and Sunday… let me ask my colleague to help me out, so what if he calls me loudly curd rice in front of others, so what... let it be...atleast he would respond...

Oh poor boy… I shouldn’t have responded him like this… what he must be thinking about me? All my time, nothing is going good for me… it’s just been a week since I got married…already all are asking me why there is no glow in my face…why should I have glow in my face after marriage? How will it come? I’m still unable to accept Baskar wholly…. Oh god… I don’t want to cry once again in the office…

Sir, I need leave in the second half..

Why? What happened? Who will look after the dispatch then?

Sir, I have told kamala to look into it...

Look brindha, you have already taken enough leaves…

Sorry sir, but I’m not feeling well today...

I am also watching you, ever since you got married, you always look dull.. I’m worried Brindha, Anything wrong?

No sir, I’m not feeling well, that’s why… that’s why requesting you for leave… I’ll surely come on Monday sir...

Ok, I’m granting you leave, but look I want to see a more energetic Brindha from Monday, Is that clear to you?

Yes sir!

Bus stop

I cant go home now, if I go they will ask me too many questions, why I left office so early, what happened…I can’t handle them… what to do?... hmm… okay…that’s right…

…

Hello, is it Vaishnavi? I’m brindha here…

……

Nothing, just like that I called you… are you at home now?

……

Ok, then I’ll come to your home now…

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Nothing yaar…just like that I’m coming to your place... if you are busy, tell me, I won’t come

……

Ok, I just wanted to talk to you on something..

……

Ok, as you say, I’ll wait for you at Spencer Plaza…. eh...Please come for sure ok...

……

Oh… I’ll wait for you…. don’t be so late please, I’m keeping the phone now…

………

Oh god, why can't I control myself, why am I so weak… it will take some time before vaishanavi reaches this place… what will I do till she comes? I just feel like crying on somebodies lap… see… there are so many lovers visiting this place, just to have fun and for a good time pass… even I used to come with my Ramesh here…

Ramesh…how many time I would have uttered this word… how many times I would have wandered here holding his hand without worrying for anything… those are my best part of my life…

Eh... ramesh buy that cone-ice for me da!

Eh...brindha are you a kid… always asking for cone ice and all… don’t take my life ok…

…

Eh, what happened? Why your face changed at once?

Eh, don't touch me and don't talk to me… why are you talking to me? I’m taking your life know… why are you behind me then… m going home now..

Eh...What brindha… I was just kidding yaar…why are you taking it seriously? Eh look at me… I said look at me… I always want you to take my life…and I always want to give my life for you…that’s my wish...understand sweet heart?

……

Eh, sorry da, don’t mistake me… tell me what do you want me to do? What should I do to change your mood? Ok… let me roam this entire plaza shouting brindha I love you, brindha I love you… will you be satisfied then?

Ayo ramesh, enough, stop it… I don’t want anything… I only want you to be with me…

Thank god, my brindha is back to her good mood, ok wait let me buy your favourite butterscotch…

Don’t buy in Cup, I want it to be put in cone only, and eh…ramesh..Please buy me two ok…

How are you Madam, you would need one Butter scotch right!

No...No thanks! Oh god… how come this shop keeper still remembers me…? Why did I stand before his shop…stupid.....let me stand somewhere else...?

……

Oh my hanky is already wet… how much this hanky helped me during my worst days… this is the one which always stood by me… without asking for reasons it wiped out my tears…

Ramesh please forgive me da… I want you to forget me…

What? Are you in sense? This is not the time to play with me…

No da, I’m in sense… my parents wont agree for our marriage, you know very well we have so many cultural differences… I can’t do anything against my father…

Brindha, you should have thought about this on that day, when you said “ramesh…. You are the one whom I need always….” not now dear… ok…If you are afraid, tell me, and let me talk to your parents…

Pleaseda, don’t do that… I’m afraid… my father is not the same person… he can’t handle another heart attack… and I don’t want to be the reason for it… please forget and forgive me…

Oh god… how can you say that to me… all these days you were in right sense… what happened now?

Ramesh, I agree…I forgot myself totally when I was with you… but now… it’s different… only when the discussion about marriage comes, I could see the reality… I made a mistake…. I should have controlled myself… ok… now I’ve changed… changed for good… please don’t try to meet me anymore… I can’t handle it da…the same people who did all things for me so far… I can’t stand against them… how I can say them that….

I feel like killing you at this very moment… it’s all my mistake... I should have discussed about our marriage the moment when we started loving each other… in between love & lust… I forgot about our future….

Ok, I can’t be here for too long….I’m going… please try to forget me and our love da…

From the moment I said that word and till the time I reached home… how much hard this hanky tried to console me….

What will Ramesh be doing now? Will he be still thinking about me? But I couldn’t still forget him… whenever baskar comes near me… whenever I feel his touch near me… I see Ramesh in him… I am not even allowed to die now… what will happen to my father if I commit suicide…no… I won’t commit suicide… my life belongs to my parents… I don’t have rights to kill it….

But what’s the solution for this? Why can’t I still forget ramesh..? Poor baskar…… how many days will he have patience for me…he is also a typical male in this society... he would also be having many expectation after marriage… oh god…Eh vaishu… how much time you will take to come here….?

(to be contd..)